


How Should We Do This

by jattendrai



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 08:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11032092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jattendrai/pseuds/jattendrai
Summary: A not so good procession of thoughts that can't be erased





	How Should We Do This

**Author's Note:**

> this is post-game but idk if you can tell also sorry if this doesnt make sense

There’ll be days where he’ll retreat to his bed and never wish to see the light of the sun ever again. He’ll toss all his belongings to the floor in a feign attempt to attract attention to himself, useless with all his might, and begin to cry at the wreck of objects on the floor as he cherished them so much.

They’ll find each other’s medication thrown away in the trash sometimes, too; Tony gotten smart and didn’t dispose of his in the trash bin they kept under their bathroom sink, instead opting to drop it out the window or in another’s can the day they left them outside the doors to be picked up. He went the length to never be caught, while Jeff was all about short attempts that are so obviously cries for help, something that had gotten old in many’s eyes and no longer work.

He’ll make his daily journaling explicit threats to disappear, wanting to invoke something in a teacher, just any form of attention; it’s all he wanted out of the harsh times was someone to notice he was suffering --- but they took it as a joke, a pitiful, childish show that often resulted in reprimands and rulers against the hand ( corporal punishment wasn’t allowed but nobody knew a thing behind locked doors.)

Tony could count the times he’s woken up to Jeff at the window, wedged with his legs dangling out to the third story. He’s been explained time and again that the impact of the snow wouldn’t hurt, but he was a man of all scare and no bite; empty threats that scared nobody but himself.

Tony was a more elaborate in how he went about things, complex blueprints of exactly how everything would go. He was different from Jeff as a polar opposite, with the ability to feel all too much while Jeff looked in wonder at what he couldn’t feel at all.

Things got tense at school; his grades couldn’t keep up with the days that passed, and the endless piles of tasks was just not something he was programmed to work with. He wasn’t a lazy child, and could show evidence of such with how articulate his essays were and how clean he always kept his side of the room, always cleaning everything down and double-checking before going to bed, even if he was dead tired.

Everything just moved too much for him, and he was skipping and tripping on pebbles in the road, that turned to sticks, that turned to branches, that turned to potholes and broken bridges and dead ends; he couldn’t bear the failure that lay ahead of him, but he was unable to go back and do what he was asked of, and some days the pressure of going forward without turning back was just too much for him.

He has elaborate tricks to him that few are able to pick up on, like running pencils across his arm beneath the desk until either the lead runs stiff or he breaks skin; he refuses himself such necessities as water and food if he believes he does not deserve them, which now makes his weight chart read at such wild drops --- of course he had thought ahead, knowing any drastic changes would cause suspicion, so he’s made himself an eating routine of binging and hoarding.

Everything comes crashing down eventually, a forgotten variable that always seems to come into play, the same thing that always breaks down Jeff’s plans himself.

Eachother.

Despite what they feel and do, it seems that there’s a connection between them. Tony has proclaimed his love for Jeff many a times, but it has never really been reciprocated nor rejected --- he thinks, at least. Jeff was a very hard person to read, especially when it came to his swings between an absolute delight and a distant stranger.

At first Tony it as straight rejection, which he has felt plenty of times with other boys.

But Jeff was different to him, a feeling that wouldn’t subside in him, so the pain was harder to wear off; he tried again, later, when they grew closer, and he realized what he first considered rejection was really just confusion.

Jeff had told him that he had no understanding of how anybody could love him, which hurt Tony in many ways; as if he believed his love was fake, that hurt. Even worse than a rejection, and though Tony was never one to get angry it was certainly boiling within the pit of his lungs that wanted to blow hurtful words through his mouth.

But another part was just straight depressing, and he could see it in his face, he knew his history; with no mother in his memory, all he had was a father that never spoke any kind words to him, not in abuse or hatred but in distant neglect. The world was distant to him in snowy Snow Wood, and though Tony couldn’t put himself in that position he could certainly strain for empathy on his part.

He was afraid, to say the least. Everything was scary at first, and maybe Tony didn’t understand that there could be a first time for love, but he wanted to try. They were opposites in that Jeff felt too little and Tony too much, and maybe that was better for them; what Tony couldn’t take he could give to Jeff, who could experience something new.

The third time he proclaimed his love he was holding onto Jeff by the medical wristband tied to his right arm, gripping it hard enough for the razor-sharp sides to push into the curves of his fingers. The robes given at the hospital looked no different than their uniforms; an ugly green that could never sit on Jeff’s strange proportions. He remembers looking down and seeing that Jeff had accidently grabbed Tony’s pj bottoms instead of his, with Power Rangers printed on them, and laughing.

Jeff wasn’t replying, so he kept laughing.

Jeff looked for attention in his vain attempts, and Tony wonders why his attention was always rejected, why Jeff kept up with the midnight leaps and endless threats to teachers that just got him hit. Was Tony really not trying enough? It was becoming suffocating, laying there every night knowing that Jeff doesn’t understand how much he loves him and how he’s there for him if he ever needs him, he’s just a few feet away and always awake.

Tonight is the last night he’ll try, and if he doesn’t get an answer, he’ll let Jeff and do whatever he wants.

Getting out of bed was a heavy task, and staring at him in the darkness almost made his heart drop.

He didn’t want to let him go, but he was tired of chasing empty footprints that lead him to dead ends, endless dead ends.

He whispered to him in the dark and, unsurprisingly, he was perfectly awake, tucked under the sheets with a flashlight and a book, knowing how unable Tony is to sleep with any form of light on.

He turns up to him and stares, an expressionless cavern of a face only making Tony even more stressed in the situation; he could already feel his airways tightening as he places his hands down onto the mattress, unable to keep upright as a wave of hot emotion heats his entire body. It was never this hard before.

He’ll say it again just like he always has, and a part of him hopes the running will finally stop and he could move on, but another knows he feels too much and that the emotion will always echo in him, that he’s just not one to ever move on from anything, that all feelings are pinned to his chest forever without any ability to be taken out.

It’s why he tries so hard to disappear, because he’s tired of how much everything takes on him and how much everything makes him feel, and that nobody will take a moment to see, that Jeff won’t take a moment to listen, to try to be as empathetic has him so that he can exchange this feeling with him and feel lighter, to finally stop carrying such a weight that’s internal, that nobody but him can feel.

He’ll say it just the same, but the only thing that’s different is how much tears are running down his face, wetting the comforter beneath his hands as he continues to cry and speak at once. Tony was never once a sob and could sing through a wave of tears, and this was just one of the many situations where it came in handy as to not hitch on a single word.

If this was it, this was it; he could easily wake up the very next morning and decide to finally make his way down to Lake Tess and place himself at the very bottom, overcome himself with the undercurrents that they learned about during one field trip; they were so strong, they could rip the very weight of a full grown adult from underneath them and keep them under.

He comes back to it after drifting, wading in his own emotions, and he feels a warmth to his cheek; Jeff has gotten out of his bed and is pulling Tony down into his arms. It’s weak, and awkward, but Tony will take anything at this point and enters into the embrace, seemingly crying harder than he was before.

They stay like that until Tony is able to collect himself, and when he pulls away he sees probably the softest look Jeff could muster, bordering between worried and sympathetic.

For a moment the sadness drains as Tony slightly laughs and touches his frames, “ Your glasses are, are crooked y’know,”

“ I really love you too, Tony,”

He doesn’t want to cry again, “ O, oh I think I might’ve bent them hugging you, ha.”

“ Tony,”

He can’t look at him anymore. His hands are still around his sides, “ I hope I didn’t break them,”

“ Tony,” Quieter now.

It hurts too much to speak now, he’s completely wiped. Every time he breathes it feels like something is coming up his throat, “ I’m, i’m just tired.”

“ Do,” there’s a long pause, and if he couldn’t he swore it would count as a minute,” Do you want to stay here?”

He knows he’s asking about the bed but something so open-ended about the question makes the tears come again; maybe he’s just the same, that the reason he’s never left for the lake was because he was also a child of empty threats and an attention seeker. He looked at Jeff so awkwardly for the same things he was doing, only a bit different; they chased after the attention of each other without ever feeling fulfilled, and maybe now at the realization it could be all Tony’s fault, or Jeff’s, or both of them.

“ Yes,” a vague question gets vague answers.

 


End file.
